It looks like nobody has been competing in standing so far. One day in the far past I read in a queer book about a man, who held the world record in standing. The record was absolutely astonishing and unbelievable: seventeen years! There are some doubts, however, concerning sleepinghe used to sleep leant against a board, which could be interpreted not as standing but as vertical lying, and if so, then it should be assumed he was standing only for approximately ten years, indeed, but this result is also breathtaking, unimaginable for an average human who is totally exhausted having stood for one or two hours only. This would cause further complications and problems which could be solved only by very precise definitions of standing and lying (not to confuse lying with horizontal standing). Take it easy now. Let alone I don't remember the reasons of such long standing – I don't remember if I have ever known them, if they were described in this book. I know the record holder was competing with nobody, and his record was not the result of racing. I know this record was kind of side effect, with no intentions to set it. Most probably this man was standing because standing was a form of meditation, of harnessing body-and-mind – so also an attempt to get rid of body-and-mind. Probably. He was not standing to set a record for the notion of record was rather unknown to him. However, I can't check this, because the book got lost. I'm not going to look for it, though it would be quite easy to find a copy of a new, updated and revised edition. I'm not going to look for a piece of information about the record holder, this one or another, because so far it might happen that someone was standing longer than him. So, let it be a legend . . .

The essence of this legend consists in the fact it was normal standing. The lack of description suggested that there was nothing special in the way he stood, nothing that would need a description, any explanation, so it was omitted. He was not standing on one leg. Nor on left and right one alternately. Nor on his hands. Nor on his head. Nor barefoot on glowing embers (who would like to keep embers glowing for seventeen years?! oh! this would be meditation as profound as standing). Nor on nails. Nor on broken glass. And if none of just mentioned variants was referred to, nor any other possible, and they were plenty of them, it means he was standing absolutely normally. For seventeen years. For seventeen years he was doing something most simple and most ordinary. And what happened after? Did he sit down? Lay down? Go away? Run away? Could he move at all? Finally got enlightenment or finally died? Died standing? Died and went on standing? Experienced vertical death? A vertical dead… Interesting.

Yes. With no doubt any competition in standing would deal with time – the one who was standing the longest would be the winner. But taking into account this absolutely incredible record, it's hard to imagine games lasting even a few years only. Or a few months. Or a few weeks. The standers are standing and standing. Nothing is going on (or: nothing is standing on). The most boring event for everybody, for competitors, for referees, for spectators. So, the rule should be changed: the one standing the fastest is the winner. Yes. Absolutely. It would be much more interesting. It would be fascinating. But to define the speed of standing – this would be the most fascinating.

Standing up is a different kettle of fish. Yes, absolutely. No doubt about it. For example: to stand up a hundred times from a swinging hammock – to stand up, stand motionlessly for two breaths, lay down to the hammock, swing twice, and stand up...

AND SO ON. And so on. And so on. And so on . . .


The opinion that the standing does not contain an element of competing is wrong. It has been well known for very long that there are two kinds of competing: against the others and against oneself. Even if it is hard to notice the first one in the standing, the other one can be seen (and experienced) easily, and its level can be higher than in many other sport disciplines. The highest, indeed. Many people spent their lives sitting or lying. Only a few, if anybody, spent their lives standing.

Nevertheless, trying to follow the Olympic motto faster higher stronger I choose without any hesitation faster. I don't want to stand high. I don't want to stand strong. I want to stand fast. The fastest.